


i'm a laundry virgin!

by cas_makes_me_very_happy



Series: A.V.E.N.G.E.R.S [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Compound, Avengers Tower, Avengers as FRIENDS, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends AU, Humor, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Slice of Life, avengers as a family, bros being bros doing laundry, bucky as rachel gives me life, idk where it's set, laundromats are romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 06:17:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20484260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_makes_me_very_happy/pseuds/cas_makes_me_very_happy
Summary: THE ONE WITH THE EAST GERMAN LAUNDRY DETERGENTBucky's first time.Doing laundry.Laundry is not an innuendo.





	i'm a laundry virgin!

**Author's Note:**

> thought I'd post another of these! I have a stockpile. also these are all set in the same universe, which is a universe where the Avengers is a sitcom, though they're not in chronological order because.
> 
> I'd like to thank @Ijustneed12percentofamoment for all her support, the writers of Friends for timeless episodes, Bucky for being a perfect Rachel, and my creativity for buggering off

****Bucky was cleaning his guns at the coffee table when Steve decided he’d be cool and go over. Which, you know, terrible idea. Cuz whenever he tried to talk to Bucky, it was suddenly like those first couple weeks before he’d gotten used to this new super-soldiered body. Constantly banging his head on things and underestimating his strength.

He tripped over his own stupid feet and disappeared behind the couch. Bucky glanced up.

Steve shot straight back to his feet. “Hey, Buck.”

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky said, blinking at his sudden appearance.

“Hey. So, uh, what are you doing tonight?”

Bucky shrugged. “Oh, you know, me and Clint are gonna have wild party.”

“What?” Steve asked, trying to squash down the sudden rush of jealousy and irritation and _why hadn’t he gotten an invitation??_

“Yeah, down in the laundry.”

Now Steve was just confused. “…What?”

Bucky smiled, eyes dancing with amusement. “We’re doing laundry, Steve.”

“Oh.” What a dumbass. “Ha, ha, yeah. I was gonna say, the laundry doesn’t sound like the best place for a party. It doesn’t have the right… acoustics.” _Acoustics?_ What the fuck did he know about acoustics. Or parties for that matter. Bucky raised his eyebrows and Steve cleared his throat. “You wanna hear a funny coincidence? Guess who’s doing laundry tonight too?”

Bucky’s eyes lit up. “Who?”

“_Me_,” Steve said. “Was that– was that not clear?” He shook himself. “Hey, why don’t I just join you?” Steve said. “Both of you,” he added. “There.”

“Sure,” Bucky said, smiling. “We’re going down in about an hour.”

Steve beamed back at him. “Okay, I’ll meet you down there.” He practically skipped back to his room to get his washing.

When he got back to the lounge, Bucky was already gone, but Natasha was sitting at the counter eating cereal. She took one look at his basket and snorted.

“Clint cancelled on the laundry thing,” she said.

“What?”

“Well, I may have twisted his arm until he was forced to cancel,” she continued, shrugging. Steve frowned. “You’re welcome.”

“Thanks?”

“Now you get quality laundry time with Barnes. It’s a very romantic setting, I’m told. Maybe you’ll finally woman up and go for it.”

Steve scoffed. Sure.

“You know,” Tony said, coming into the room and stopping in front of Steve, looking down at his basket of clothes, “I do have people who are _paid _to do our laundry.”

“I know, but Bucky likes to do it himself. I think it’s, like, cathartic.”

“Oh,” Tony said knowledgeably. “Like washing the blood from his kelvar is like a metaphor for washing the blood from his life?”

“Uhh,” Steve said. “Maybe?”

“And _you’re_ doing laundry because…?”

“Because he wants to get in Barnes’ pants,” Natasha called from the kitchen around a mouthful of cereal.

Tony looked back at Steve, who immediately blushed. “Is that how they did it back in the stone ages?”

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve said. Then, louder, “Shut up, Nat.” He hefted his basket. “I gotta go.”

“Whoa, hold on, Cap,” Tony said. “You sure you’ve thought this through?”

“It’s laundry. I think the thinking through is pretty minimal.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “It’s just gonna be you and the Manchurian Candidate, right?”

“Yeah, Clint cancelled. So?”

“So, this is a date,” Tony said. “You’re going on a date.”

Steve blinked at him. “Nuh-uh.”

“Yuh-huh!”

There was a pause.

“Oh, God,” Steve said, dropping his basket. “So– so what are you saying? Should I shave again? Bring a bottle of wine?”

“Well, you should definitely wear a tighter shirt. I think that one is actually the right size.”

“Don’t listen to _Tony_,” Natasha said.

“No, listen to Tony,” Tony said. “You may wanna rethink the dirty underwear too.”

Steve was very much floundering. “What?”

“This is basically the first time he’s going to see your underwear. You don’t want it to be dirty, do you?”

It was a testament to how out of his depth Steve was that Tony actually had a point. “No?”

“No,” Tony affirmed. “Also. The fabric softener.” He made a tossing motion with his hand.

“Wait, what’s wrong with my fabric softener? I think it shows that I’m a sensitive, warm kinda guy. And it’s really soft.”

“It’s got you as a bear on the bottle.”

“That’s not me. That’s Captain Fuzz.”

“It’s you as a bear.”

Steve stared down at the bottle for a minute. “It’s me as a bear.” He tossed it the side. “I’ll find something else.”

“Don’t listen to Tony,” Natasha repeated.

Even the Avengers’ laundry room had to be some ridiculous affair. There were about ten machines, and a couple high-tech fancy ones that Steve was too scared to use that were specifically for their suits.

The ‘normal’ machines were pretty high-tech themselves, because Tony was Tony. Steve remembered when Natasha had first shown him how to use them. He still couldn’t quite understand why a washing machine needed a touch-screen.

Sam and Bucky were already in the laundry. Bucky had dumped his clothes on the only spare machine and was leaning against it, waiting for Steve. Like he didn’t even notice him there, Sam moved Bucky’s basket aside and started tossing his own clothes into the machine.

Bucky hesitated for a second, before darting forward. “Oh, uh, sorry, Sam? I was kinda using that machine.”

“Yeah, well, now you’re kinda not,” Sam said.

“But I, uh, I saved it. I put my basket on top,” Bucky said, gesturing to said basket.

“Oh, I’m sorry, that was your basket?”

“Yes.”

“Aw, it’s really pretty. Unfortunately, I don’t see suds.”

“What?”

“No suds, no save, okay?” Sam made a shooing gesture with his hand.

“Oh,” Bucky said, pulling his basket back towards him. “Okay.”

Sam grimaced, but continued filling the machine.

Since coming back, there’d been no fight to Bucky. He was a pushover, really, which was actually kind of depressing when you thought about it. The Bucky that Steve had known growing up wouldn’t have backed down from anything.

Thing was, Bucky didn’t really think anything of it. Hydra had conditioned him to think that it was how he was supposed to be treated.

Sam knew it too. As much as he hated Bucky, he was way too damn good to treat him like shit and mean it. Steve knew he was trying to get Bucky to fight back, because Steve was trying too. But sometimes everyone needs a little encouragement.

“Hey,” Steve said, stepping into the room. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, um, nothing,” Bucky said. “We’re gonna have to do ours later. Sam just took the last machine.”

“Was your basket on top?”

“Yeah, but there were no suds.”

“What?”

“Well, you know, no suds, no save.” Bucky shrugged, picking at a loose threat of one of his shirts.

“That’s not– Oi, Sam!” Steve called. “Bucky had that machine first.”

“Hey, he pulled the steering wheel off my car. Right off! While I was driving it!”

“That was like a year ago. Get over it, man.”

“It still hurts,” Sam grumbled, but he pulled his clothes out of the machine before dumping the basket at Steve’s feet. “Put these on when yours are done, thanks.”

“I’ll see how I feel,” Steve said.

Sam clapped him on the shoulder, shot Bucky a glare, and left.

“He hates me,” Bucky said.

“Nah, he doesn’t hate you.” Steve squeezed his shoulder. “No one hates you. You’re such a sweet, gentle…” He trailed off, suddenly becoming aware he was gazing into Bucky’s eyes. “Soap!”

“I’m soap?”

“No, but, hey, uh, you must need some–” He grabbed the tub, dropped it immediately, and ducked to pick it up again. Fucking idiot. “Detergent?”

Bucky looked amused at Steve’s flailing but made no comment. “What the hell is that?”

“Uberweiss,” Steve said. “It’s new, it’s German, it’s extra tough.” It was the only thing he’d been able to find.

“Hmm. I think Hydra used to use it.”

“WHAT.”

Bucky laughed. “I’m kidding.”

“Shit. I thought I was about to give you flashbacks of Hydra laundromats.”

“Can you imagine?” Bucky shuddered, but he was still grinning.

Steve grinned back. “Okay, let’s do laundry.”

“Okay,” Bucky said, and upended his whole basket into the machine.

“Aren’t you going to separate those?” Steve asked.

Bucky hesitated. “Um.”

Steve looked at him. “Haven’t you ever done this before?”

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you know, I was brainwashed for seventy years, and we didn’t have one growing up, so, yeah, okay. You got me. I’m a laundry virgin!”

“Well, don’t worry,” Steve said. “I’ll use the gentle cycle.” Bucky smirked and Steve blushed and dropped the Uberweiss again. “Okay, so, um, basically what you wanna do is separate your whites from your colours.”

“Okay,” Bucky said. “I don’t have any whites or colours.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s all black.”

“It’s all… okay. Well, that makes it easier. Uh, just chuck it all in.”

Bucky did as he was told, tipping a bit of detergent in when Steve prompted. “Okay. But what if one day I wanna start wearing colours or something? I should know how to do it properly, right?”

Steve glanced at him. “Buck, you know you can wear whatever you like?” he said, and Bucky shrugged. “But, sure, in the meantime we can practice with mine.”

Bucky gave him a grateful smile and they set to work separating Steve’s much more colourful collection of red, white and blue clothes. Once the clothes were in, there wasn’t much else to do but sit around and wait.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, a while later. “I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like… if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn’t anything I can’t do.”

Steve smiled at him and maybe his heart was going to break with pride. “It doesn’t sound stupid to me.”

Bucky shot him a shy smile.

The machine started beeping and Steve jumped up.

“Okay,” he said, lifting the lid. Before immediately slamming it closed again. “Uh-oh.”

“What uh-oh?”

“Uh-oh nothing.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Steve–”

“All right, it’s just, you left a red sock in with all the whites and now…” Steve gingerly lifted the lid so Bucky could peer inside. “Everything’s kinda pink.”

“Everything’s pink?”

“Yeah… Except for the sock, which is still, you know, red.”

“Oh, my God,” Bucky groaned, pulling the pink shirts from the machine. “Steve, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, no, it could happen to anyone, Buck.”

“Yeah, but it happened to me. I fucked up your clothes. What am I doing?” He pressed his face into his hands. “Did I think I could actually do something right? I just keep fucking everything up for you.”

Steve had no idea what to say.

“Hey, how’s my laundry coming along, Barnes?” Sam said, striding into the room. He took one look at all of Steve’s pink clothes and burst out laughing.

Bucky lifted his head from his hands and shot him a glare. “The machine’s free, Wilson. Do your own fucking laundry.”

Sam raised his eyebrows at Steve. “What’s his problem?”

Steve made a ‘cut it out’ motion with his hand. Sam shrugged and went to do his laundry.

“Look,” Steve said, “you got the clothes clean. That’s the most important part.”

“I guess,” Bucky sighed, looking forlornly at one of Steve’s shirts. “You looked really good in white, though.”

Steve blinked. _Uh, what?_ “Are you saying pink doesn’t suit me, Barnes?”

Bucky laughed a little, so Steve counted that as a win.

He sent Bucky to fetch his clothes out of the heavy duty machine while he sorted out his now red, _pink_ and blue clothes.

Bucky wheeled a cart over to the machine, and it was immediately wheeled away again by Sam. Steve gave him an exasperated look, and Sam grinned.

“Hey,” Bucky said, metal arm snapping out to grab the cart and stop Sam in his tracks. “I’m sorry, Sam. I had this cart.”

“Yeah, and I used to have wings until you ripped them off. You lose things.”

Bucky frowned. “Stark made you more wings.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he can make you another cart.” Sam shrugged. “Get out of my way.”

Bucky hesitated, glancing up at Steve, his body already shifting a little to let Sam pass. Steve shook his head and gestured violently at Sam behind Sam’s back.

Bucky lurched forward and grabbed the cart again. “Maybe I wasn’t being clear. This was my cart. I was using it.”

“There weren’t any clothes in it, so therefore it remains unclaimed.”

“Quit making up rules!”

Sam shook the cart a little. “Let go.”

“You let go!”

“No. You let go.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“All right, listen, birdbrain,” Bucky growled. “If you want this cart, you’re gonna have to take me with it.” And he just fucking climbed into the cart, somehow fitting all his bulk and metal arm into the thing.

Sam just stared at him.

He looked up at Steve, then back at Bucky, and shook his head.

“You know what, I’m gonna wait until you idiots are gone,” Sam said, raising his hands. He shoved the cart and Bucky away and left the room.

Steve caught the cart, spinning Bucky to face him.

“Oh, my God,” Bucky said, looking ridiculous but deliriously happy. “Did you see that?”

“You were incredible.”

“I can’t believe I just stood up to him like that.”

“We have a new laundry champion, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned, grabbing Steve’s shirt. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.” And he yanked Steve down and kissed him.

It was a short, barely-there, thank you kiss but Steve felt all his insides turn to jelly.

He sprung back, clearing his throat. “Okay, so, um.” He backed away, as though space would help. Right. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. More clothes in the dryer?” He turned and smacked head-first into an open dryer door.

His head made a funny clunking sound when he hit the ground.

“…ow.”

Later.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Bucky asked. He was holding an icepack to Steve’s head. The swelling had gone down already thanks to the serum, but Bucky was sitting real close to him, stroking his arm.

“Yeah.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“What a neat idea,” Clint said, pulling out Steve’s pink clothes. “All your clothes match. I’m gonna do this.”

Steve and Bucky both just looked at him.

“HEY!” Sam burst into the room in a whirlwind of righteous bird anger. Clint looked up and started snorting with laughter. Steve resolutely did not look at Bucky, knowing that would just set them both off.

“What’s up, Sam?” he said.

“What’s up? _What’s up?_” Sam spread his arms, which really highlighted how short the sleeves of his sweater were. His jeans, too, ended a couple of inches above his ankles. Like everything had shrunk. “What the hell did you do to my clothes!”

**Author's Note:**

> thanx for reading.  
if you have any episodes ya wanna see, hit me up


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